2016 // He is making ALL things new!

As 2015 ends and 2016 begins... I can't help, but stop, take a step back, and examine my life right now at this very moment and where I've been and where I'm headed.

Like every year for us it seems, 2015 has been BUSY to say the least. If you know me, you know busy is where I like to be and where I tend to stay. My life is very high energy and motivated and I attribute a lot of it to the great role models I had growing up, while the other small part I guess to my personality in general.

Although we incorporated our business, Dallas Aeration, in late 2014, we officially launched in early 2015. For our first year in business, I couldn't be more pleased. We saw God's hand in our plans, in the details, and in every aspect of our business it seemed, time and time again. There were SO many things that happened that all we could do was pretty much say, "Wow, God did it..." It's an incredible and surreal feeling and one that I never get tired of.

We celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary and 8 total years together in February and celebrated our beautiful daughter's 6th birthday in May. These may seem like "small" things, but to us, they continue to be magical each year. I have learned that so much of life goes on in the mundane. Appreciating the mundane and letting God rule even your mundane is not only necessary, but crucial. I read an awesome quote in a book I read, "Glimpses of Grace", that reads: "if God doesn't rule your mundane, then He doesn't rule you, because that's where you live- in the mundane." So eye opening.

In July, on my Dad's birthday to be specific, my Papaw went to be with Jesus after a long, arduous fight with Diffuse Lewy Body Syndrome and after several years in the nursing home. It was a hard time for my entire family, but we know that he is healed now and has been made completely new. As hard as it is to let him go, the rock of our family on my Dad's side, we know that it was unfair to wish him here in the condition he was in. I treasure the memories made with him so dearly and hold close all of the photos I was able to get of him with my 3 sweet children.

In August, we found out we were pregnant with our baby boy, Silas! He is due May 7th, although we expect him early April as I have had all of my children early. We could not be more elated about the soon to be birth of another life gifted to us. Finding out I was pregnant with Silas brought back so many memories of when I was pregnant with Gavin which was also when I lost my precious Mam-ma. I was reminded yet again of Job 1:21, "Naked I came out of my mother's womb and naked shall I return thither. The Lord gave and The Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!" This verse has become even more real in my life over the past few years and shows me every time I read it that the Word of God is LIVING and ACTIVE. I cannot read those words or say them aloud without my eyes filling with tears. The emotions I feel overwhelm me for more reasons than one. It is not only regarding my loss, but also my gain- my gift- new life given to me from The Lord Almighty. It is not only these things, but also the very real and present reminder that Jesus is undeniably who He says He is and proves Himself over and over again in every aspect of my life. Even in the ones that are hard. Those are the ones where it seems He proves Himself even more and I can feel Him carrying me.

In December, we celebrated both Mason's 4th birthday and Gavin's 2nd birthday! We can't believe how big all of our kids are getting and it has seriously been the biggest blessing this year just watching them grow and change in the neatest of ways.

We stayed very busy all year with sports and school activities along with Awana's for the kids at church. We feel like we are going somewhere nearly every day of the week it seems like and surely enjoyed the Christmas break where we did not have anything, but family events going on.

As much as I am prone to stay busy and love being productive, I value my seasons of rest. I value the weeks that we can enjoy each other a little more as a family and slow down enough to soak in some of the things we often fly by and miss. I know I have a lot more to learn through my relationship with Christ about seasons and the importance He places on each one.

As we start 2016, I know many things will be similar in some ways: Savannah will resume soccer here in about 6 weeks and Mason will start baseball (he did soccer in the fall, but we are giving baseball a try this season as he has expressed much more interest in it compared to soccer.), Savannah will resume the second semester of first grade here in a few days as will Mason resume preschool. Gavin will be mad again that he is left at home while the big kids are at school. He'll be okay though ;) and will get to start preschool himself in the fall.

We look forward to all of the things that God has in store for Dallas Aeration in 2016. After seeing His blessings poured out in 2015, it overwhelms me in the best of ways to attempt to fathom what He will do in 2016.

Most of all, I look forward to April for the upcoming birth of my sweet baby boy, Silas Mitchell Hayes. I absolutely cannot wait to hold, snuggle, kiss, nurse, and love on my sweet baby boy! If you know me well, you know that the newborn stage is my absolute favorite. Seriously, I don't know how I'll ever stop having babies!! JK- or am I? ;) Truly though, I adore that stage and it is so amazing to me every time I get to experience the miracle of life and bring life into this world. It is not something I take lightly and I cannot wait to bring baby Silas into this world and do my very best mothering him and loving him unconditionally. The kids and Zach are so excited as well. We love our family and love the thought of growing our family even more- the more to love on, the better, in our eyes!

As we press forward in 2016, I want my focus to be more on the One who sits on the throne above and what He has in store for me and what He intends for me to learn and to grasp out of each season and each event in each season as well.

"He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new.'." -Revelation 21:5

Happy Birthday to Gavin// Reflecting back One Year to the Birth of MyChristmas Blessing

Wow, it hardly seems that one year has passed by and my sweet sweet Gavin is one now. Reflecting back to roughly a year ago brings so many memories to my mind.

Most everyone by now, I'm sure, knows that my Mam-ma, who by far was my closest earthly relationship, passed away last August 2013 of a deadly, ruthless lung disease called focal pulmonary fibrosis. When she died, I felt like my entire world was turned upside down. I had lost the most important person to me and I was so lonely. It was after her death that I first encountered the presence of The Holy Spirit and began a real and beautiful relationship with Him.

When I was pregnant with Gavin, I was in serious risk of preterm labor. I was already dilated to a 2 at 25 weeks and 50% effaced. At 30 weeks 3 days, and 30 weeks 4 days, I received two steroid shots to help speed up the development of his lungs, because that's how risky things were. I am so thankful for a group of good doctors who were on top of things, but ultimately thankful to The Great Physician whose hand was constantly covering Gavin in the womb.

I did indeed end up delivering Gavin prematurely at 35 weeks, on Christmas Day. That Thanksgiving was very hard for me not having my Mam-ma and I knew Christmas was going to be even harder. Couple that with fearing for my unborn child's life, it was a less than ideal time for me. However, God's grace is ever so abundant. I gave birth to Gavin that Christmas Day and despite being 5 weeks early, he was perfectly healthy and never saw the inside of the NICU.

I had prayed a few days before Christmas that God would not let Gavin be born until he could be born safely, but that I was longing to meet him and how my arms ached to hold this new life and this new love. 1 Samuel 1:27, "For this child I have prayed and The Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him."

I believe God gave me Gavin on Christmas Day to further show His promises to me. Job's words rang so true in my heart that day, "naked I came into this world and naked shall I return thither. The Lord giveth and The Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of The Lord!" Job 1:21

I lost my Mam-ma, but was given a sweet, innocent baby on Christmas Day, Jesus' birthday- what a beautiful testament to God's unfailing love and grace.

Psalms 62:1, "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Now I look at my sweet, happy one year old baby boy and can't believe a year has gone by since that beautiful day. This year has truly been wonderful and Gavin is such a blessing to our family. He is so full of love, sweetness, and everything good. He is so cuddly and makes me smile all the time. He is so good and such a beautiful gift. I am so thankful for him and even more so, I am thankful to my Lord and Savior who always knows our needs better than we know them ourselves. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith The Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9

Happy Birthday my sweet Gavin Michael! It's been an enormous blessing to be your Mommy. This first year of your life has been so sweet and beautiful. I'm excited to see what God has in store for year two! 

Gavin on his birthday!

Gavin early December 2014 after his shower!

Gavin at 11 months, helping Daddy fix a broken cabinet.

Gavin at just a few days old.

To read my blog post from a year ago when Gavin was first born, click the link below:

http://thegreatestremains.blogspot.com/2014/01/welcome-baby-gavin-michael-my-christmas.html

I was not called to be Lukewarm // My First Encounter with The HolySpirit

The past two blog posts, I have touched on my personal first time experience with The Holy Spirit after my Mam-ma died. To not take away from the things I wanted to share with everyone in those posts (my husband's first encounter with The Holy Spirit and the then announcement of our move to PA), I just briefly touched on it, but I wanted to now write a post documenting the whole story for those who would like to read about it.

All my life I have grown up in the church. I went to AWANAS, I went to a Christian school elementary through high school, I was around all Christian people and friends, and I was raised by a Christian family. I grew up with extensive knowledge of the Bible and memorized much of it as well. I went on to a Christian college also. It is probably safe to say that I had a lot more head knowledge about God and The Bible than many people I know. However, that's just it; I had head knowledge. Like many Christians today, I was just lukewarm. Everything I did was virtually just acts of going through the motions and that is not real. I never thought much of it, however. I believed in God and that was all that mattered, right? Wrong. James 2:19 tells us that even the demons believe and they TREMBLE at Jesus' name. Last time I checked, the demons weren't going to be in Heaven.

It was after my Mam-ma died that I was in such a dark, lonely place that I realized  something was indeed missing out of my life. I was in her church and encountered the presence of The Holy Spirit for the very first time and was forever changed. The pastor was preaching how many church members will die and go to hell and be 14 inches from Heaven, because that's the distance from your head to your heart. Billy Graham too has preached how 70% of church members are not really saved. I'd heard this statistic before, but of course didn't think it applied to me. However, being so lost after my Mam-ma died, I realized I had used her as my spiritual rock and funneled all of my spirituality through her in a sense via our daily several hour long phone conversations, etc. Now that she was gone, I felt so alone. That is, until I truly encountered the Holy Spirit's presence. When I felt Him for the first time and He consumed me, it was like nothing I've ever experienced before. It literally broke me down in the best possible way when I felt His love. It was so overwhelming and again, in the best of ways. The verse in Psalms 34:8, "taste and see that The Lord is good." had an entire new meaning for me.

All I know, is I was never the same after that. Nothing felt like going through the motions to me any more, but rather I had this intense hunger and thirst for more of Him!

It was then that I really fully realized His gift of salvation and His gift of The Holy Spirit. It broke me down to realize the depth of His love for me and for everyone.

Psalms 3:8, "Salvation belongs to The Lord; Your blessing is upon your people!"

Bethel has a song that I love, called "What would I have done"

I will not forget the cross, the pain that You endured for us

Where You carried brokenness and shame

Never to forget the day Your love broke through to make a way

For hope to rise within my heart again

Overwhelming sacrifice, You freely paid the highest price

Suffering You traded blood for me

My heart will sing the deepest praise, my lips rejoice, my hands will raise

For the death that brought me into life

All for love

My Jesus, You gave all for love

I am standing in the wonder of

Your great love

What would I have done if it wasn't for Your love

The love that tore the veil inside my heart

What would I have become if it wasn't for Your blood

The blood You gave for all on the cross

I'm still growing each and every day. I'm still learning constantly. A book that changed my prayer life and just my outlook on every day life and how it relates to my relationship with God is Glimpes of Grace. It helped me realize that if you just set aside 20 minutes over coffee every morning for devotions, you're doing something wrong. That's not a "real" relationship. Your relationship with Jesus should be greater than that with your spouse. I talk to my husband all throughout the day, even if it's just 2-3 minutes here and there, not just over coffee every morning. That's how I've learned to talk to The Holy Spirit too! All throughout the day, about the mundane, and the big things... In order to have a real relationship with Him, we cannot settle to be lukewarm. We have to be all in, on fire for Him, just as He is for us! 

Since encountering The Holy Spirit for the first time, I'm so much more aware of Him and now make a point to welcome Him into me, my house, into my family. I ask Him to fall on us all each and every day. We can never have enough of Him and we always need to invite Him in. He is after all, a person.

This journey has been amazing for me and now it's even sweeter than I'm on it with husband too. I look forward to all the amazing things yet to come through the power of The Holy Spirit and His great love.

"Hallelujah to You God of the redeemed! Hallelujah! You open blinded eyes to see! And we will praise You! You are the Everlasting Light! Hallelujah to You God of the redeemed!" -Bethel

We are MOVING! // Exciting things coming up for our family!

We have some exciting news that we would like to share with everyone! We are MOVING!! Many of you knew that we were planning on moving to Texas shortly after the first of the year. Well, that is not the announcement we are making...

We actually will be delaying our move to Texas by a few months... because we will be attending DTS (discipleship training school) through YWAM (Youth With A Mission) in Harrisburg, PA and also be attending the international outreach with them as well afterwards. This DTS is actually calling Musicians, Entrepreneurs, and Love Messengers. This is so fitting as Zach IS already an Entrepreneur and recently incorporated his new business. At DTS, we will learn how to not just use our business to be successful for us, but rather how we can advance the kingdom through our business and show others Christ's love through the business.

Many of you read my last blog post about the supernatural events that took place while we were in Harrisburg a few weekends ago and how my husband, Zach, experienced The Holy Spirit's presence for the first time while we were there. While we were there, we felt The Holy Spirit calling us to be a part of this upcoming DTS. When we got home, we began to pray very fervently about this and asked The Spirit to give us His perfect peace and show us this was what we were without a doubt supposed to do. I could go on for a long time about some of the many confirmations we received from Him! We realized that we undoubtedly were supposed to do this and that we were there that weekend by divine appointment. We then decided to tell our families.

While we have come across many emotions throughout the process of telling people and we know that this is something many people do not understand and may even think we are crazy for doing, we know that we are doing the absolute right thing! We are not choosing the comfortable path ahead of us for sure; it would be SO much easier and smoother to just go on to Texas after the first of the year like we had planned and Zach start up his business, also like we had planned. However, we know that HIS ways are higher than our ways and HE is calling us to do this, so we are being obedient and following HIM!

For the past year and a half, I have prayed for my husband to have the same beautiful encounter with The Holy Spirit that I had after my Mam-ma died. It was then that I realized that while I had all the head knowledge, I did not have the heart knowledge. It was then that I realized I was merely and tragically, lukewarm. The beauty of His grace is that it is never too late to make such realizations. Encountering The Holy Spirit for the first time changed my life. I had a newfound hunger and thirst for Him, whereas before every thing I did was seemingly just going through the motions. I was on fire and began to separate myself from those who were not and sought to surround myself around those who were. (I will post the full story on my next blog post as I have just given the condensed version the last two posts.) I made some amazing new relationships during this time, but ultimately I desired for my husband to get to this point as well. In Harrisburg, he had the same realization that I had had a little over a year before- that he had all the head knowledge, but no real relationship; that he had never actually encountered the presence of The Holy Spirit! The change I have seen in my husband since that weekend has been absolutely phenomenal. He is so happier, so much more aware of things he should and should not do, he has quit dipping, and I could seriously keep rambling on because I am in so in awe and so so proud of him!

Now that we are spiritually on the same page, it is so incredibly amazing. We can relate to so much as we both had similar backgrounds before our first encounter with The Holy Spirit. Now that we are walking in sync with Him, we are making decisions so differently. We were able to make this decision, both knowing that this is what The Lord had in store for our family and both having the peace that only He can give!

There are still many unknowns that lie ahead of us. We know that we live in a world that views unknowns as risks and a world that also values certainties. We too have found ourselves with this type of mindset. We, however, know that by taking this step of faith and doing what The Holy Spirit is leading us to do, that He will take care of us and direct our paths. We are taking care to not lean on our understanding, but on HIS, for we know that HIS ways are higher than our ways! (Proverbs 3:5, Isaiah 55:8-9) We ask that you have faith with us on this journey as well and cover us in prayer.

We do have to raise a large sum of money (approximately $30,000) to be able to complete our mission. Those of you who are willing and able to sponsor us during this journey, we have set up a PayPal account specifically for these donations. The PayPal email address is brittaninicolehayes@gmail.com. Those who are able to give to our mission, we will be very grateful and we ask that you know that what you are giving is not just to us, but is going to help advance the kingdom of God as well. Your donation to our mission literally will have an impact on many people's eternities!

We know that not everyone is in a position where they are able to financially give and that is okay! We ask that whether in addition to giving financially or in lieu of it, you please commit to praying for us regularly while we are on this journey. We treasure your prayers and can feel the difference they make in our life.

We know that this likely will come as a shock to many and we welcome any questions anyone might have. Stay tuned for more blog posts throughout this journey and if you have not already, please subscribe to my blog updates if you would like to stay updated on our journey!

The greatest job...

I feel as though I have accomplished a lot in my young life. I was the youngest freshman in my dorm at Liberty University, starting my college career at just 17. I was one of the youngest graduates of my college class in 2010... Graduating with my bachelor of science in psychology at the mere age of 20... And with a bouncing baby girl just shy of a year old at that. I worked full time while finishing school and mothering my sweet girl, but I never thought of it as "hard" in those moments. Looking back, I realize how much I had going on and how hard and demanding my schedule was, but it is strange that in those moments, I did not view life as hard, but rather just how things had to be at that time. The thing about being through and accomplishing a lot in a short amount of time is you just get used to it and accept that things won't always be a breeze, but they will be worth it. This changes your mindset from that of a complainer to that of an endurer and a joy seeker. As cheesy as that may sound, when you know everything you are doing in your current position is going to yield astounding results once you get through the "busy, demanding, and maybe even hard" schedule, you are ready for those results and seeking that joy you know is at the end of the tunnel partnering with the light.

Shortly after my graduation, I got a new job and with that new job came more money. This was a breath of fresh air and I was so elated. I felt important. Again, I was the youngest person who worked for my company. Most others were late 20's, 30's, 40's, and even 50's. Here I was just 20. I broke records for amount of calls taken in an hour and the amount of cases closed per day. I was recognized at meetings. I truly felt important and recognized for my hard work. I was on my way to hopefully being in possession of a company car within the next six months as well. What a great position to be in.

Throughout all of these successes, I always longed for something else though... To be a stay at home mom. Yes, I had just worked my self to the ground to finish school with an infant in the house and working full time and for what? To get a job like this where I could truly grow within a great company and achieve great things? Or was it to just finish what I had started...something I had always been taught to do? I was realizing it was the latter and that although this was all great, I wanted to be at home where that action was. I wanted to be able to see all the amazing things my now 13/14 month old was now doing and not just hear about them at the end of the day.

November 2010... Just six months later, that dream came true. The next December (2011) I had my second born. I loved every second of it. Some moms may read this and think, "really? Every second?" The answer is honestly yes... Although of course when my now 5 year old daughter runs up the stairs to tell me that my now 2 year old son pee'd in the trash can while I am nursing my newest baby, my 4 month old, I may not "love" that second, but I love my life as a stay at home mom. I love the fulfillment it brings like no other job could ever do. I love watching my children grow and learn. I love watching them play and love each other.

Housework is honestly something I find fulfilling as well. I don't hate that part of being a stay at home mom. Perhaps, it was how I was raised and watching my Mam-ma so dedicatedly care for her home and she did so with such joy and perspective. It wasn't just a job or a burden by any means, but rather a way to further make your house a home for your husband and your children, she would tell me. I have really taken this to heart. When I am doing laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, sweeping and mopping, I honestly feel proud and I know every day when my husband comes home, he will come home to a clean and inviting house. Dinner may already be made or I may have him hold the baby when he gets home and then make dinner, but one thing for certain is the house will always be clean and be full of love and feel like a home.

My husband does such a great job of taking care of the outside also. Just as I would wear the baby in a sling or a wrap while I do housework or cook, he will put the baby in the baby backpack while he pulls weeds or put our 2 year old on his shoulders while he blows the driveway off. It makes me so happy. I love that I have found a partner in life who truly views this life we have created just as I have. Kids don't get in the way of your obligations, but rather you incorporate them in with your duties, because that is how a family works. You do things together. By starting this at such a young age, they will grow up seeing the importance of housework and how it makes a house a home and will do it just as joyfully instead of the all too common begrudgingly way of doing things we see too often today in our generation.

This past Mother's Day was my first Mother's Day without my Mam-ma. As hard as it was and as much as I missed her, I tried to remind myself what kind of a mother she was and further perfect those things. She was truly the greatest mother and the greatest grandmother I have ever seen. Part of my tribute I spoke of at her funeral, I mentioned that she was a mother to far more than just her children. It is so true. She was called "mother"  and "mom" by so many. This is going to be my next major goal in my mothering career. I truly love being a mother and can honestly attest to that it is the greatest, most fulfilling job I have ever done and it just feels right. It feels as though this is what I was put on this earth to do... To be a mother and raise my children to glorify The Lord. I am seeing that part of my Mam-ma's ministry as a mother was also helping others in need of a mother figure as well.

Mothers... Do not take today for granted.... Do not let frustration and overwhelming tendencies ruin your day. As mothers we have a calling. Housework is part of it, but it doesn't have to be burdensome, it can be routine and enjoyable and bring fulfillment. Raising kids brings fulfillment also even in the less than favorable seconds.

Proverbs 31:28, "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her"

Excuse me now, while I go check on my 2 year old blowing bubbles in his water in the kitchen :-)

My One Word 2014

As we neared the New Year, I began to think about what my one word should be for 2014. I wanted it to be something really good, something that would truly make me a much better person throughout the year. I began seeking clarity from God on what this one thing should be. It was not long before I had my one word and knew without a doubt it was the most important thing I could work on this year.

My One Word for 2014 is Rid.

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be praise, think on these things."

I want to rid myself, my life, my thoughts, my words, and my actions of anything negative, unholy, or not pure. This means no negative talk, no negative thoughts, no negative anything! If I am sensing myself getting frustrated with someone and just simply thinking negative things alone in my home, I immediately stop what I am doing and begin to pray that God will rid my mind of these thoughts and help my to focus on something more positive today. ....And you know what? I can proudly say it is working! My Mam-ma used to always tell me that most people's problem is they won't ask God for help because they think it is either something too small or too unimportant that it would be silly to ask God for help with it, when in all reality, we should be asking God for help with anything and everything. She used to really emphasize to me also how we should pray specifically for what we need. Don't be vague with God! He is our Rock and anything we do will be easier and smoother with His help and guidance. It is amazing to me how easy it is to rid myself of all things negative when I just simply stop what I am doing and ask Him for help.

Matthew 7:7 says, "Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

I hope you will join me on this journey this New Year with whatever your One Word may be as well. May we all be able to encourage one another in bettering ourself through Him.

Welcome Baby Gavin Michael, My Christmas Blessing!

This Christmas Day was by far the most special Christmas Day to date for me and my family... It is the day we welcomed Baby Gavin, our third child, into the world!

Gavin Michael born at 3:43pm 12/25/13 5 lbs 7 oz 19.5 inches long

Born at 35 weeks 3 days gestation... very healthy, no NICU needed! Praise The Lord!

I woke up Christmas morning and just knew I was going to have Gavin that day. I had been feeling a lot of additional pressure than I had the prior weeks/days and knowing how to check myself, I decided I would go see if I was any additional dilated. While I only felt like I was roughly between a 4-5, my amniotic sac was hanging out of my cervix like a water balloon.

Even though my due date was January 26th, I had been dilated since 25 weeks and given steroids to help mature his lungs at 30.5 weeks. At my doctor appointment on Friday, December 20th, I was dilated to a 3 1/2 and 95% effaced. My doctor said he would likely come over the weekend, but if not, he gave me a week tops! Although I was a little nervous about not being full term yet, I just prayed that God would not let him come until he could come out safely with no NICU required. I guess Christmas Day was that day! This was very special to me as it truly symbolized God's love and grace to me- Gavin being born on Jesus' birthday and being perfectly healthy, despite being preterm. I am so thankful.

 This is me literally just two hours before I gave birth. We woke up Christmas morning and did "Santa" with our two children. After getting toys put away and everything cleaned up, we got ready and headed over to my in law's house for brunch with them and then gifts with them as well. It was funny because after we finished gifts, one of my sister in law's jokingly said, "okay, Gavin, thanks for letting us get through presents! You can come anytime now!" Within 20 minutes I began having contractions.

We got to the hospital at 2:15pm and I was already dilated to a 7 and the nurses confirmed my amniotic sac was indeed bulging! When I walked in and said I was in labor, they all looked at me funny like they didn't believe me... I assured them I was in labor and I have very fast labors, but I guess because I wasn't crying or very dramatic, they just didn't take me seriously! After checking me and realizing that I was indeed in labor and very far along, one nurse yelled out to the others in the hallway, "Call the doctor! She really is in labor and her bag of waters is bulging!" My husband and I got a little chuckle out of this. (This is the second time my labor has been doubted. With my 2 year old son, it was a very similar scenario. I had him at 36 1/2 weeks and was already an 8 when I got there, but no one believed I was in labor until they finally checked me.)

They quickly moved me into a room where I waited with my husband on the doctor. I was not able to get any pain medicine because I was already so far along (this was also the second time that has happened to me). The doctor walked in and checked me and said, "Well, I am going to break your water and we are going to have a baby! You are a 10 and 100% effaced! This picture was taken seconds after she said that by my husband. I was very nervous, despite how calm I look in the picture!

Gavin was born just an hour and a half after arriving at the hospital.

This is my husband with Gavin that night.

This was Gavin that night after getting a bath.

Big Sister holding Gavin the next morning! She is such a great big sister!

This is me with all three of my babies the next day! Gavin was nursing. (He nurses like a champ!)

This is Gavin 3 days old.

Gavin 4 days old!

Thank you to everyone that prayed for Gavin throughout my pregnancy! I am seriously ever so thankful that he is here and healthy. He is another reminder to me of God's grace and faithfulness. After a hard end of the year dealing with the loss of my Mam-ma, he was the ever so sweet reminder that God is faithful throughout everything in this life if we put our faith and trust in Him. 

Job 1:21 says, "And said, naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: The Lord gave and The Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of The Lord."

1 Samuel 1:27 says, "For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of Him."

Morning Scripture Reading

Happy is the man that feareth alway: but he that hardeneth his heart shall fall into mischief. (Proverbs 28:14 KJV)

While reading my Bible this morning (I am currently finishing up the book of Proverbs), I came across this verse. It spoke volumes to me. You may read it and think, "oh I don't have a hard heart", thinking it's meaning having a hardened heart towards God. However, in context, it is actually referring to hardening your heart against people or even certain people.

It spoke to me, because I have a tendency to get so annoyed with a particular person or a couple of people over time that I begin to just think badly of everything they do or say. I know this is not right and is letting the devil get in my thoughts and lead me down that negative path. I never would have considered myself as having my heart hardened toward them necessarily though; that is, until I came across this piece of Scripture.

I know that for these select people in my life, I am going to have to daily fight this battle and make a conscious effort to not let my mind think negatively towards them. I need to distance myself from them the majority of the time and when our paths do inevitably meet for select circumstances, I need to be as cordial and loving as ever. Matthew also has a specific piece of Scripture pertaining to this that my Mam-ma used to remind me of.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? (Matthew 5:44-46 KJV)

She used to refer to it as, "loving the lovely" and "loving the unlovely". Anyone can love the lovely; that is easy. This doesn't just mean literally, the lovely. It means anyone who is like you or favorable to you or lovely to you. However, it is not so easy to love the unlovely or those who are unlovely to you. I have always struggled with this. 

While I can easily love the outcast at church or in school, back when I was in school, and I can easily befriend the person that seemingly has little to no friends, I have a hard time showing Christ's love to someone who I'm around a lot, just simply because of these traits about them that overwhelm me or annoy me. 

As I mentioned yesterday, I began my drive home with my family yesterday with a mindset to be different and to be like my Mam-ma was and would have wanted me to be, to be like Jesus. I know I am imperfect and flawed, but I also know that with His love and guidance, it is possible. So here we are on December 2nd, 2013, and I am making a commitment to love the unlovely people in my life, no matter how difficult it may be at times.

Heading back to resume "normal" life/December: the start of something new

We left my Papa's house this morning about 3 am to head back to North Carolina. It was very bittersweet for so many reasons... Although it is always nice to get back home and sleep in your own bed along with getting back to your normal routine, Texas is my home and that is where all my family is. I love being anywhere in Texas, but I especially love being there at my Mam-ma and Papa's house. No place feels more like home. Now with Mam-ma being gone also, I really am glad I can be there for Papa and help fill some of the loneliness that he is obviously feeling. Although he is doing very well all things considered, I still (understandably) watched him get pretty emotional several times throughout the week, particularly the last couple days before we left. I just hated leaving him and so wish I did not have to.

Here is a picture of Papa spoon feeding Mason (my sweet almost 2 year old (he'll be 2 in just 13 days)) some coffee... It was just so sweet.

When we left, he asked me when we would be back. I told him sometime after Baby Gavin was born (I'm 32 weeks today), we would be back for everyone to meet him. He said, "well you let me know as soon as you know when y'all are coming and I will have everything ready for y'all!" It just made me so sad and homesick for my home there already, and I hadn't even gotten in the car yet. I just love my Papa.

This trip was very weird without Mam-ma there, but I know she was in Heaven smiling down on us all. Zach and I were talking about just last night while lying in bed about how it's so different with her as opposed to anyone else in either one of our lives who has passed away before, because there really is no doubt in anyone's minds where she is. Every single one of us knows she's in Heaven and therefore it almost feels like she's not even gone, because we know we'll get to see her again. It doesn't make missing her any less prominent though. I miss her everyday.

Savannah (my sweet 4 1/2 year old) got to go to her cousin Ryleigh's birthday party yesterday. I am so glad they planned the party for while we were still in town! It was at Sweet & Sassy and all of the girls truly had a blast! Savannah just was on cloud 9 the entire time! It was so fun to watch her get pampered and dress up like a princess!

Here are some pictures from the party...

I just love my little girl! She is so much fun and is a huge blessing!

I know when we get back home, we will settle back into our routine just fine... My daughter will resume preschool tomorrow morning and my son will resume Mother's Day Out. I will resume housework and my husband will resume work. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday that I am looking forward to as I am already currently dilated to a 2 and over 50% effaced with my baby being completely dropped. I am so very thankful for the time we had together away from the normal chaos of life though. I will miss the uninterrupted time we all had together while seemingly being in another world for the week.

Here is one last picture of my husband and daughter while we were out to breakfast with my Papa yesterday....

As Christians, we should be thankful every day, not just Thanksgiving or the month of November. That is something Brother Jim loudly pointed out at church Wednesday night. I for one and am going to make a conscious effort to be thankful for all of these blessings in my life and for The Lord who blessed me with them, most importantly. This is the kind of life my Mam-ma led and it's the kind of life we all should be striving to lead as well.

May December mark a new beginning for us all... A time to be renewed and find a newfound purpose!

Back to Basics

We are in Texas visiting my family for the Thanksgiving holiday. We are staying with my Papa and I am so happy we are and he does not have to be alone during the holidays, as this is the first holiday he has not had my Mam-ma here with him. It has been a hard holiday for everyone, as she truly was the matriarch of our family, but I know that she would want us to carry on and enjoy our time together with one another and not be sad.

That is exactly what we have all tried to do and Thanksgiving, yesterday, was a success. We had an enormous smorgasbord of food that would have made her so proud. She truly loved the holidays! I made several of her signature dishes, one of which (the most famous and well loved) was her banana pudding! I have made this with her multiple times throughout the years, but this was the first time I was to ever tackle it by myself. While all the other dishes I was making of her's I was not the slightest bit worried about, as I have made them multiple times by myself before for other occasions I have cooked for, I was very nervous about this dish! I was mostly nervous because everyone looks forward to this above everything else every holiday and she has most definitely set the bar very high! My Papa came in and helped me make it, as he is a pro himself since he has helped her make it all these years, and it truly turned out delicious! I was so relieved and glad I could keep it in the family! This recipe was my Mam-ma's mother's recipe, so it has been in our family since the turn of the century.

Some pictures of our spread...

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While we have been here, we have had no obligations really. We have not had to worry about work, chores, things to do, or anything really. We have just been enjoying spending time with Papa and my other family and each other. It has been so nice to just enjoy each other in the evening and not have all these things we have to do or things to get ready for, but rather just be able to relax and relish in the moment. We have played with the kids so much, heard their never-ending laughter and actually been able to really enjoy it without thinking about what is next on the agenda. We have been able to shower and get ready without rushing. We have been able to just sit and talk for a seemingly endless amount of time. Even with helping Papa clean his house before Thanksgiving and me cooking multiple dishes, it still felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off of us in terms of our to do list. It really has just been so nice!

It makes me wonder how much we all take for granted on any given day throughout the midst of the daily grind. While there will always be obligations and commitments that we have, it really is so important to stop and make time for the things that really matter.

I think part of slowing down is also getting back to the basics. We as stay at home moms should be caring for our children most importantly and then secondly caring for our home. I cannot help but notice that this generation is sorely misguided on what is expected of stay at home moms. So many young moms think that it is "old fashioned" to cook every night, keep your house clean and tidy, and still be involved with your kids. It really is not… We should not be worried about how we can squeeze naps in every day before we even meet these basic needs that women before us for centuries have been fulfilling just fine.

Hear me out: I am not saying it is wrong to take a nap when your children are napping. I for one, being 32 weeks pregnant, can largely relate to that feeling of just pure exhaustion and wanting to just go lie down. I think if time is managed properly throughout the first part of the day, then you will likely have already performed most or all of your obligations and can guilt-free lie down and take a nap while your children nap. It is when the mornings are not productive and then the afternoons are not either, on a consistent every day basis, that I think a problem develops.

Tune in to my next blog post that will give an overview of what my day looks like (what works for me) and a little schedule/method to stick to for cleaning and laundry that makes it so much more doable and so much less overwhelming. We as moms have a lot to do and a lot of responsibilities that often even our husbands do not realize that we have to do; it shouldn't be harder for us, when there is an easier, less stressful way! :)

Dorcas

I always so greatly enjoy going to my grandparents' church when I am home visiting. They go to Cornerstone Baptist Church in Allen, TX. It is truly a wonderful church. If you are in the DFW area, I highly recommend it. See cbclucas.org for more information.

I literally always feel as though God is speaking directly to me when I am at this church and I leave feeling convicted, renewed, and purposeful. I can honestly say I do not feel this way when I go to other churches and often leave feeling unchanged and untouched (as bad as that may sound). Cornerstone is one of the few churches left that truly preaches the Word, even the parts we do not want to hear, and does not sugar coat anything. Pastor Jim's goal is not that you leave feeling good about yourself and has even said multiple times that you should not leave church feeling good about yourself, but rather you should leave feeling convicted and ready to change something about yourself. As Christians, we should all always be changing. There is always ways we can make ourselves better. Benjamin Franklin said, "when you are finished changing, you are finished." These are such true words!

This past Sunday, Brother Jim spoke about Dorcas. If you are like me, you had never heard of Dorcas before now. Dorcas can be found in Acts 9:36-42. It is crazy to think that such an amazing woman is only talked about one time in the Bible and in just a few verses. Nonetheless, the verses that talk about Dorcas are very powerful and speak volumes as to who she was.

Dorcas was actually from Joppa, which is where Jonah was from. Dorcas is unique in the area of her identity. She had two names given to her: Tabitha and Dorcas. Her name meant gazelle. She was known for one thing primarily and that was a needle. She sewed coats and blankets for the widows and the poor. She was truly a selfless woman, known for her charity.

Pastor Jim said that if he could give Dorcas a life verse, it would be Jude 1:22. "And of some have compassion, making a difference…" Read this a second and even a third time if you need to! I know that I sure did!

Another thing that Pastor Jim said that really stuck out to me and I have been repeating over and over in my head since then is, "Compassion not only has a heart, it also has feet. Talk is cheap." He went on to elaborate that it does not mean anything if all you do is just pray for people or say you are praying for someone, but do not actually ever do anything to help them. If you pray for the poor, but let them starve, you are a hypocrite. Now, this is not to say that we should not pray for people or even that when we are unable to help someone that it is pointless to pray for them. Obviously, we should be praying for people and I for one am a firm believer in the power of prayer. However, too often as Christians we loosely throw out the words, "I'll pray for you" or "I am praying for you", when in reality we could do so much more to help that person. I have tried to make a conscious effort, in fact, of NOT saying I am praying for someone unless I know for one hundred percent that I will go home and be consistently praying for them. This may strike some as odd, but if you think about it, it really is not good to say we are praying for someone if we are not really going to… Even if we have good intentions and think we are going to, if we go home and just get back to our daily grind and forget about them, we should have never said we were going to in the first place. I know for me personally, by making a conscious effort to not say that unless I really mean it, I am finding myself praying more for those few people who I do go ahead and say that to, because I am holding myself accountable to keep my word and follow through and pray fervently for that person.

Back on track to Dorcas…

One of the last things Pastor Jim said was noteworthy of Dorcas in those few verses was her adversity. Verse 37 says that she got sick and died. Why would the story of such an amazing, selfless, Proverbs 31 woman end in sickness and death? Shouldn't she surely have been exempt from sickness in her final days? Was she not worthy of more in the end? The answer is sickness is not a punishment; God does not only allow the evil people in the world to get sick and the good and righteous people get to avoid sickness. In fact, God does not even cause sickness to begin with. It is so easy to get mad at God and blame Him when a loved one gets sick and that sickness takes them from us, but the reality is that God is not to blame. After Adam and Eve sinned and the fall of man occurred, we all lost any immunity we had to sickness.

Verses 37 and 42 explain that Dorcas' sickness was permitted and profitable. I want to share verse 42 specifically with you. "And it was known throughout all Joppa; and many believed in the Lord." Yes, you read that right; many came to believe in the Lord as a result of Dorcas' death. She did not only glorify God in her life, but also in her death as well. Brother Jim brought up my grandmother at this point in the sermon, as she was a lot like Dorcas. She did good all the days of her life and led hundreds of people to the Lord. Even in her final days here on Earth at the hospital, she led a couple of nurses to the Lord. At her funeral, over 15 people were saved. One of the last things she said to Brother Jim at the hospital too was that she wanted her funeral to be centered around leading people to the Lord. She would have been so happy and pleased to know that her death saved at least fifteen souls from an eternity in hell.

Dorcas brought God glory and honor all throughout her life. She did not do things for herself, but rather dedicated her life to serving others. She left this world still honoring God and bringing people to Him. What an amazing woman! What are all of us doing for God on a daily basis? Are we living for ourselves or are we serving others? If we died today, would souls be won for Christ as a result of our death? Would our eulogy be so powerful that lost souls would see the light of Christ when hearing it? These are some of the things that I left church Sunday thinking about.

The truth is, most of us can not say these same things about ourselves, but that's the beauty of God's grace- it is not too late to change that! We can start right here, right now, making these changes. When you are cooking dinner tonight, make a little extra and take a plate or a bowl to an older couple or a widow or widower on your street. It is the simple things like that that make a difference! It is so easy to think that you are not able or you are too busy to really make a difference like Dorcas did, but the truth is, it really isn't! The enemy wants you to think that and wants to keep you from glorifying God in your everyday life, but every single one of us can do small things every day to bring Him Glory! The sooner we make it a habit, the easier it will be to stay consistent.

Philippians 1:12 says, "But I would ye should understand, brethren, that the things which happened unto me have fallen out rather unto the furtherance of the gospel;".

Intro... New to blogging.

I have always said I would probably never have a blog. To me, there was no benefit of blogging, because I actively utilized Facebook for posts I wanted to share with family and friends about my life. After losing my grandmother this past August 19, 2013 to an awful disease called pulmonary fibrosis, who was so much more than a grandmother to me, but rather more like a mother, I slowly began realizing that it actually would be nice to have a blog... If anything for the writing and the ability to speak freely about things that were weighing on my heart, things that I am passionate about, etc.

In addition to being an outlet for me, I do want to be able to reach out to and encourage other women, mothers, and wives through my writings. My grandmother was an amazing mentor and counselor to hundreds of men and women and she truly showed Christ's love to everyone she came in contact with. It has been my desire to follow in her footsteps. Given the time of my life and the current location I am in, I feel it would be easiest for me to start this lifelong journey through blogging.

Here is a photo of me and my Mam-ma just a couple days before she passed away.

A little bit about me...

I am a wife to a wonderful husband, my college sweetheart. We have been through a lot and had many ups and downs prior to marriage, but we always worked it all out and in the end love prevailed. I could not be happier and although at times, I do wonder why we had to go through so much to get to where we are now, I know it has all been part of God's plan and He has a purpose for everything.

We have a daughter who is 4 1/2, a son who will be 2 in just 2 weeks, and are expecting our third (another boy) in just a little over a month. We do also have one precious baby in Heaven who we never got to meet. Before I was pregnant with our son, we miscarried when I was roughly 5 weeks pregnant.

This was an extremely tough time in my life especially as I had never experienced this kind of loss. What made it more difficult was I had not yet shared the news of being pregnant with anyone and therefore did not even know how to begin sharing the news of this loss with anyone close to me. We ended up not telling anyone and dealing with the loss by ourselves, which in hindsight was not the wisest choice. It was very difficult to sort through the emotions I was feeling and to deal with the grief I was experiencing without anyone to talk to about it. While my husband was wonderful, being a man he could not fully understand the degree of hurt that I was feeling and I think that in and of itself was very hard for him. We have over time, shared our loss with a few close to us who have also experienced this same kind of loss in hopes we can help them with their grief a little better than we were able to help ourselves. I have since come to realize that women should not be ashamed to talk about this loss or even share the news of pregnancy early on for fear of a possible loss. These are our children no matter what stage of pregnancy we are in and in the event this horrible loss does occur, we need people to acknowledge the life that was, the life of our young, the life we carried in our womb and ached for when it was taken from us, to truly allow us to grieve in the way we need to.

For an amazing read that will pull at all your heartstrings on this topic, I am posting a link to a sweet friend of mine's blog post on this topic. It was written several weeks following her miscarriage and she puts everything I have ever felt into words so perfectly.

http://fastforwardgirl.blogspot.com/2013/07/the-disqualified-grief.html

Originally from Dallas, Texas, I went to college in Lynchburg, VA where I received my BS in Psychology. I would love to further my education one day and complete my Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy. I may try to do this when all my children are in school. We now live in a small town in North Carolina where my husband has grown up most of his life.

Although I have grown up in church all my life, something changed drastically in my heart at my grandmother's funeral. I began to have this thirst for The Lord that I had been lacking over the past few years, I began reading my Bible daily and truly seeking His face, and I began trying to be more like Him when before I had been much more on again off again.
It is my desire that my family will serve The Lord all the days of our lives and we will all continuously strive to be more like Him.

Here is a picture of my 2 kids.

I hope you will enjoy reading my blog and will find something in it that speaks to you or encourages you in some way. I look forward to connecting with many other wonderful people as well.