All my life I have grown up in the church. I went to AWANAS, I went to a Christian school elementary through high school, I was around all Christian people and friends, and I was raised by a Christian family. I grew up with extensive knowledge of the Bible and memorized much of it as well. I went on to a Christian college also. It is probably safe to say that I had a lot more head knowledge about God and The Bible than many people I know. However, that's just it; I had head knowledge. Like many Christians today, I was just lukewarm. Everything I did was virtually just acts of going through the motions and that is not real. I never thought much of it, however. I believed in God and that was all that mattered, right? Wrong. James 2:19 tells us that even the demons believe and they TREMBLE at Jesus' name. Last time I checked, the demons weren't going to be in Heaven.
It was after my Mam-ma died that I was in such a dark, lonely place that I realized something was indeed missing out of my life. I was in her church and encountered the presence of The Holy Spirit for the very first time and was forever changed. The pastor was preaching how many church members will die and go to hell and be 14 inches from Heaven, because that's the distance from your head to your heart. Billy Graham too has preached how 70% of church members are not really saved. I'd heard this statistic before, but of course didn't think it applied to me. However, being so lost after my Mam-ma died, I realized I had used her as my spiritual rock and funneled all of my spirituality through her in a sense via our daily several hour long phone conversations, etc. Now that she was gone, I felt so alone. That is, until I truly encountered the Holy Spirit's presence. When I felt Him for the first time and He consumed me, it was like nothing I've ever experienced before. It literally broke me down in the best possible way when I felt His love. It was so overwhelming and again, in the best of ways. The verse in Psalms 34:8, "taste and see that The Lord is good." had an entire new meaning for me.
All I know, is I was never the same after that. Nothing felt like going through the motions to me any more, but rather I had this intense hunger and thirst for more of Him!
All I know, is I was never the same after that. Nothing felt like going through the motions to me any more, but rather I had this intense hunger and thirst for more of Him!
It was then that I really fully realized His gift of salvation and His gift of The Holy Spirit. It broke me down to realize the depth of His love for me and for everyone.
Psalms 3:8, "Salvation belongs to The Lord; Your blessing is upon your people!"
Psalms 3:8, "Salvation belongs to The Lord; Your blessing is upon your people!"
Bethel has a song that I love, called "What would I have done"
I will not forget the cross, the pain that You endured for us
Where You carried brokenness and shame
Never to forget the day Your love broke through to make a way
For hope to rise within my heart again
Overwhelming sacrifice, You freely paid the highest price
Suffering You traded blood for me
My heart will sing the deepest praise, my lips rejoice, my hands will raise
For the death that brought me into life
All for love
My Jesus, You gave all for love
I am standing in the wonder of
Your great love
What would I have done if it wasn't for Your love
The love that tore the veil inside my heart
What would I have become if it wasn't for Your blood
The blood You gave for all on the cross
I'm still growing each and every day. I'm still learning constantly. A book that changed my prayer life and just my outlook on every day life and how it relates to my relationship with God is Glimpes of Grace. It helped me realize that if you just set aside 20 minutes over coffee every morning for devotions, you're doing something wrong. That's not a "real" relationship. Your relationship with Jesus should be greater than that with your spouse. I talk to my husband all throughout the day, even if it's just 2-3 minutes here and there, not just over coffee every morning. That's how I've learned to talk to The Holy Spirit too! All throughout the day, about the mundane, and the big things... In order to have a real relationship with Him, we cannot settle to be lukewarm. We have to be all in, on fire for Him, just as He is for us!
Since encountering The Holy Spirit for the first time, I'm so much more aware of Him and now make a point to welcome Him into me, my house, into my family. I ask Him to fall on us all each and every day. We can never have enough of Him and we always need to invite Him in. He is after all, a person.
This journey has been amazing for me and now it's even sweeter than I'm on it with husband too. I look forward to all the amazing things yet to come through the power of The Holy Spirit and His great love.
"Hallelujah to You God of the redeemed! Hallelujah! You open blinded eyes to see! And we will praise You! You are the Everlasting Light! Hallelujah to You God of the redeemed!" -Bethel
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